I had been scrubbing this tub for the last hour.
Before that I had washed the bedsheets.
Before that I did the laundry.
My bathroom is spic and span now.
But as I stopped whatever I was doing, flashback flooded through my mind like a broken dam.
Holographic recordings of MY husband fornicating with another woman. The way he kissed her all over. The way he touched her. The way he made her feel how I felt.
I threw away the brush and grabbed my hair, pulling it till my scalp threatens to tear. Slowly I slide down the wall to sit on the floor.
My whole body hurts now. Not just my stomach in a knot. My skin itches so bad I scratched it till it bled in certain places. My head is pounding like a Taiko drum in a Japanese summer festival. My eyes sees blotches of colors, it no longer desires any focus. My body trembled like I had Parkinson's.
Then there was a brief sound of keys jumbling before the main door creaks open.
He's back.
Oh my god...
Ohmygod
ohmygod
ohmygod...
What do I do? How do I act? He's going to see through me that I am not going to act normal.
Hell.
Why should I even try to act normal?
This was never my fault.
"Hunny?" I heard his call.
"Hunny where are you?" he's entering the bedroom.
I looked up the door and kicked it shut, effectively pushing on the lock button as well.
I need to think.
How to confront him?
How?
......
...
He knocked on the door. "What's wrong, hunny?"
I tried to drown his voice.
I hate that voice.
I'm disgusted.
Help me...
Friday, August 24, 2007
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